I confess.... I'm a hypocrite!

Lately I have been finding it easier and easier to see how hard headed and opinionated I can be.  My brother has even told me that talking with me can sometimes feel like he has to debate his oppinions. 

Today, Eric was in a bad mood about work so I tried to cheer him up by telling him about a funny childrens book I was thinking about writing.  I started telling him about the idea of rhyming dog names and then having illustrated pictures.  Example:  "Look at Chili, she is so silly" with an illustration of a jack-russell terrior dressed as a clown.  Eric apparently did not want to hear about such childish things and stated, "Christian, I really don't care for this stuff."  So after letting my anger build to the level of explosive, I decided I would get him back by saying, "How is he Dow doing today, is it up or down, what hunting season is it, are you going this year, how are your friends, I was thinking about buying you business weekly magazine, since all those things are SO MUCH MORE FUN FOR YOU THAN LISTENING TO MY LITTLE SPEIL ABOUT SOME STUPID CHILDRENS BOOK.  I will just talk to Lilah and Jenni, because at least they listen and care, which obviously you don't, and to top it off, I only started talking about it because I wanted to make you laugh.  Well, You are being so unloving, I think I will just go talk to Chili, at least she loves me."  Can you spot all the problems with that message?  Eric, not thinking about the consequences his words, caused me to think of him as an unloving jerk.  Me, not thinking about the consequences of my words, caused Eric to think of me as a hard headed witch.  A small mis-communication caused us both to hurt really badly today, and even though Eric appologized for not listening to me, I found it hard to accept his appology.  I wanted to continue to tell him were to go, and he wanted me to forgive him.  Now, who is in the wrong?  I am pretty sure it is me.

Lilah thinks I'm crazy because I think Zack Brown is sexy.   What? I can think someone is sexy!

http://zacbrownband.com/media/photo.php#

My attempt at being a poet! It's probably the cheesiest poem ever:)

I want to ride a ship on the seas,

bounce on the moon,

eat sushi in Japan,

and float away in an air balloon.

I want to sing like a rockstar,

and dance the night away,

show kindness to everyone,

no matter their want to repay.

I want to have a tea party in Boston,

and eat cheese in Wisconsin,

Take a nap under a shade tree,

and be held by the one who loves me.

I want to eat sausage in Poland,

pick flowers in Holland,

Capture the splendor of Italy,

and let go of all anxieties.

my el cheapo hair-cut

04/29/2009 Gotta process it out!

Let's see....  today me and Chili Bean took a bike ride (well, I road my bike and Chili ran along side) to Orschelans to have Eric air up my tires.  Road and ran back home.  Cleaned house for a while.  Went out to eat with my dad-in-law, grandpa-in-law, and bro-in-law, and came back home to finish up the cleaning of the house, which I don't mind doing, but it would be nice to have more of a reason for cleaning other than to prevent allergies from flaring up.  I wish I could figure out a way to get involved in this community and actually have people over for lunch or dinner or even brunch.... something.  I only get one Sunday off every month, so it is hard to get involved in church.  When I walk Chili I try to introduce myself to the neighbors, but they seem to care less.  My dad-in-law lives with us, but I only see him for a little while before one of us has to go into work.  Eric and I practically work opposite shifts.  When I go to work I am usually the only employee in the hotel, and have actually caught myself trying to make friends with the guests that stay for weeks, just so I can feel like I have a friend around.  I miss the olden days.  The days when there was something to do every morning, day, and night.  The days when I could call a friend and ask them if they wanted to go to the park, watch a movie, or meet me somewhere for lunch, and actually meet them within 10 minutes.  The days when I would come home and someone would actually be there to talk to and share my day with.  The days when I would come home and cool things were happening.  I don't feel like cool things are still happening.  I feel numb!  My life now consist of cleaning up after 2 men, myself, and a dog.  And when I go to work I clean up after tons of people and deal with their snarly comments about whatever they can find to complain about to see if they can get a few bucks knocked off their stay amount.  I'm just ranting because I've just had one of those days.  Sometimes, I just need to process stuff out and this is the best way I know how.  Feelings can throw everything off.  Everything can be going perfectly right, but if I'm just feeling down and out, I can find anything and everything to justify those feelings.  So, what's the conclusion.... I am thankful for what I have, I'm just having trouble letting go of the closeness I used to share with people.  I think everyone goes through this at some point in their life, whether it be letting go of a high school best friend who chooses a college states away, being sent over seas for months or years at a time, or receiving a job in a town hours away from the ones you love.  It's time for bed now.  Better send Eric to bed so I can have my bed (the couch.)  Hopefully the weather is better tomorrow.... I really want to go for a long bike-ride or even drive on over to Smithville lake and take a long hike with Chili Bean.  L8er!